I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
