Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
