All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
