I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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