i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
