You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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