Your face is a jimmy john
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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