so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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