Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
