Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize