Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
