In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
