remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
