I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
