I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
