Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
dude. I can hear the air.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
