I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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