I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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