normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize