I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
