If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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