I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Come on in and take your pants off
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