how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
