i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
