don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm sobbing to NWA
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
