When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
