do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
