No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
