Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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