Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
