she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize