if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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