I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
They took my balls.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
