Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
