So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
