Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
