please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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