Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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