Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
