The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
