I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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