My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
