we have officially lost it.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
