Moan for me like Helen Keller
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
