Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
