you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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