I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize