what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
