im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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