3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need to calm my uterus...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
