every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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