he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
