I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
