To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize