he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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