i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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