frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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