I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
