dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
