Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
