Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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