Porn is love you can see.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize