And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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