i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
