Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
