when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
