Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
